Please, please set me free…
These chains that are constantly tugging me back and forth, back and forth… I’m afraid they’re beginning to rust. The once cold and level sensation of the metal no longer glides against my wrists; now, a feeling of unbearable and immeasurable pain takes its place. It digs into my skin and leaves tiny fragments of metal as I beg for mercy.
Stop taking me back… Stop taking me back!
It’s a silent prayer, a constant reminder that my cries are echoing in an empty room. No one can hear me. I’m drowning on my own, and all I want is to be set free. I never figure out why it happens.
I just can’t seem to stop.
It’s me.
I’m the girl who can’t seem to escape your deathly grasp as much as she tries. I’m the girl who hangs onto your every word, looking for a clue to the maze that is your heart. I’m the girl that just can’t let go.
It’s me! It’s always been me… However, I’m afraid it’s never really been me at all, has it?
Too blinded by your love for her, you don’t see what’s right in front of you… Right here. Waiting here, with arms wide open and fragile, is I; the one that’s truly loved you all along. Your girlfriend is vicious- a manipulative virus in the system of life, playing with the information in your head. Impossible to be rid of, you’ve succumbed to the influence of her cunning methods. You’re numb to the pain, grinning and bearing it for the sake of your love. She doesn’t deserve you, has never deserved you…
Every day I wonder if I can be that for you, the special someone you’re destined for. I am the one you deserve.
To be set free from the restraints of my unrequited love is an intoxicating feeling I relish in. This is what powers me to try harder, to break the chains and continue on the path of my life. Just when I feel as though I’ve gotten a hold of myself, I see your beautiful smile and my illusion shatters like glass at my feet. I can’t help but to be pulled forward, my infatuation piercing me with every step I take. I know it’s not his fault, but I always find myself blaming him for it. I’m placed back at square one, stuck in this one place forever and always.
I’m sorry…
I’m sorry I can’t control my feelings.
GIF CREDS: http://data.whicdn.com/images/222763464/superthumb.gif and my editing.
Elissa,
Oh my god, I have barely any words for this piece of writing. All words popping into my head are positive ones. As a person who has experienced heartbreak and having crushes that don’t love you back. I feel that you have really expressed the feelings that someone would go through during a time of heartbreak. It’s very hard for me to think of a suggestion to you. Perhaps you can put the sentence “She doesn’t deserve you, has never deserved you…” into a whole new paragraph to enhance the impact of the sentence. I can’t wait to read some more of your work later on, thank you so much for sharing this.
-Emily
Elissa,
This piece was so beautiful and heart-breaking. You perfectly captured the feeling of jealousy and hopelessness of loving someone who will never love you back. I’m looking forward to reading more of your work!
-Kayla
Dear Elissa,
What a breathtaking piece! Reading it was like being torn apart, because you captured the potency of emotion in such a way that I could physically feel the heartbreak through the words.
I think that you took a risk in making this such a stylistic piece, and I think that it was worth it. I love your use of italics to emphasize your points, and another thing I thought was incredible was your use of logos. This was a very pathos-based piece, but you wove in moments of logos that really stood out and made the pathos more relatable. Lines like, “you don’t see what’s right in front of you,” or, “she doesn’t deserve you,” stand out to me and quick and cold moments of fact that help to support the emotion of the piece.
I also really appreciated your title. Blinding Evanescence is an apt description for what it feels like to think you have a chance at love so ever briefly before it is cruelly snatched away. The title is a fantastic hook that captures your readers right away, completely enticing us to read further.
As a constructive criticism, I think that your piece lacked some clarity at the beginning. Until I had read it over fully, it was difficult for me to conceptualize what you were trying to say. If there were a way to make the beginning of your piece more rooted in the story rather than the emotion, I think it would really help to give your piece a unified focus – right now it doesn’t feel super coherent.
Thanks for a great read, you fantastic writer! I’ll be keeping an eye out for your writing in the future!
Love,
Ziyana
Elissa,
EEK! This was a super amazing piece!
I loved how you described heartache in such a poetic and emotional way. Your usage of metaphors and syntax made this work even more riveting to read. I especially loved the line “I’m the girl who hangs onto your every word, looking for a clue to the maze that is your heart.” It is tragic to experience utter devotion to someone when that someone does not reciprocate it.
One small suggestion I would make is to, at the end, bring back the chains from the beginning. This would make “full circle” story, and would tie this piece together.
I loved this! Keep up the amazing work.
Carmen 🙂